* Brush dirt off. Get back up.*

So it’s been a while since my last posting—many many things have happened. First of all, my little cold/virus/whatever turned out to be pneumonia…can you believe it? Lil’ ol' me, sick with something I can barely spell! I am simultaneously: 1) thankful that it’s something that can be treated and not just a viral thing that will linger on and on; 2) relieved that it’s something real and I wasn’t just being whiny and sluggish over a tiny bug; 3) feeling faintly melodramatic (pneumonia! How Victorian! What’s next, the vapors?); 4) bored, bored, bored. I’m restless but just don’t have the energy to do much.

On the plus side, lounging about for days on the sofa with bon-bons has made me realize a few things (yay, more numbered points!):

1) I am starting to be mad about work all the time. Want evidence? See below. I don’t want to be that way. I don’t do mad well. And not only is it not good for me physically or emotionally, it’s just not worth it. It’s just work! So I’ve chilled—I don’t think I’m mad anymore. And I’m thinking that after this, I might not blog about work for a while anymore. It’s just not as interesting as other things.
2) I figured out what my boss was up to—and that has helped me not be mad. I watched a soccer thing over the weekend, and realized the coach was yelling at the players in a way that sounded exactly like my boss…. “Is that all you got? My grandma can kick better than that! Try harder! Grrrah!” So, now I understand all the scolding, and what he is trying to do. And I think I understand his motivation…he probably has to get us to generate some serious revenue or he, and we, will be in trouble. Hence the “vision” with the missing details. He’s probably feeling a little desperate.
3) I love my TiVo. Anything that serves up a double scoop of Escape from New York AND Escape from Los Angeles right when I need it is a good, good thing.

And as another plus, I did finally make it out of the house yesterday to IKEA with the girls—thanks so much D&B! I had a great time. And I bought these sweet wineglasses. The pic doesn’t really do it justice; the polka-dots are teensier in real life. They will be just the thing to stare at after I’ve had a couple too many. I love them very very much. And even better, it means that my guests and I no longer have to drink wine out of my coffee mugs. Like a real grown-up! How bourgeois am I?

Guess Who's Getting Drunk Right. Now.

So I know I'm not supposed to write about work things, but can you identify this world-famous celebrity?

Who just got demoted today? (for no reason, except "I'm not ready" to hold her current job title)
Whose brand-new boss scolded her for half an hour straight today? (I think for asking questions about aspects of her new role instead of just nodding and smiling)
Who is apparently "negative," "pessimistic," "only talks about flaws," "is stuck in the past," and "is scared"?
BUT WHO ALSO was not able to complete more than 2 sentences at a time without being interrupted? (he is right about numbers 1, 2, and 5, though--this celebrity is negative and pessimistic about his vision because he can't answer any of her questions and thinks it's inappropriate for her to ask them. And she's scared because, well, he got real scary today. She ain't too proud to admit it--she is scared of him. In the exact same way she was when this woman who she barely knew in my office tried to cradle her in her arms, stroke my hair, and croon to her. Jeepers. But how would he "know" this celebrity is all of those things if he won't let her speak? It is, btw, the third time he's ever talked to her. And granted, the first time she did rant a little--but it was also the day that several people were let go, and everyone was upset, and she was in total shock that she had a new boss. And yeah, she was mad at him the second time too, but only because he implied the celebrity did a bad job on a project that she actually did well on, and he honestly didn't know a thing about the project before she brought it up, he just assumed it sucked. So.)
Whose Real Super Power (as opposed to Evil Super Power, see below)--the ability to talk to difficult people--was completely overwhelmed and crushed, as if by kryptonite?
Guess who has a fever for the last four days straight and really, seriously does not need any of this shit? (seriously. she means it.)

And for double points and the all-expense-paid trip to Tahiti:

Guess who is starting a serious drinking binge this very minute? The goal will be to see how far into Friday it takes for the celebrity to sober up.

...
Tho honestly I only got 3 hours sleep last night, so it's equally likely that I'll fall asleep in 2 beers' time. Whatever.

Oh, The Fun We Have Online

AKA Further adventures in CL. This one didn't go anywhere (not my type physically), but it's my favorite email exchange to date...


pop your toes...squeeze you elbow skin and whatnot


i am a classic under achiver who will never live up to full potential. i constantly berate and belittle. i hurl insults. i avoid eye contact. i look for photo opportunities in the background of strangers pictures. i misdirect all who inquire directions. i flick children. i answer questions with questions. i purposly mispronounce last names. i cut in line and fart. i sample but never buy. i rarely flush. elbows on table. i crack my knuckles. i never rewind. i drop my change. i pick my favorite toppings off your slice. i hit the cone. i never lol. i dodge salutations. i never down shift. i zerbert you. i flake. i make faces at babies. i honk at golfers. i spit off buildings. i move peoples book marks. watch you play solitare. i annoy and/or confuse. i call collect. im in the cross walk. i falsify documents. i snicker. i reveal the ending. i let all the air out. im watching you from the corner of my eye. i like that shirt. write back and we can snicker at one another.

*************

Hi,

You live a little far away--I'm in the city--but your CL posting made me laugh. So that was YOU cutting in line at the bank yesterday! (whatever you ate, you probably shouldn't do it again) How did the rest of the robbery go? I lost you of course once you ran off with the cash...

So I think we have a few things in common. I too have been known to flick children. And I move bookmarks too (especially those free ones you get at the bookstore; I hate those fucking things). More about me: I was raised by feral librarians. I collect dust bunnies. I have shoes made of fake fur. I can lift eight times my weight. I only drink flower nectar. I'm wondering if this looks infected to you.

I have attached a photo of Godzilla for your consideration.

Blois, The Town That Dare Not Speak Its Name

This is the front of the chateau in Blois. We were never able to figure out how to corectly pronounce the town's name. We called it "Bleh" -- which is better than what we were really thinking ("that g-d town where we drove in circles for hours")...
Our first learnings in France:
1. Our GPS system does not work. Welcome to hell.
2. There is no such thing as "driving around the block" in a medieval city. You get ONE SHOT baby!, just one, and if you don't see your hotel you basically have to leave downtown and start all over again. We sure saw a lot of France.
3. Almost the only French word we recognize is "voila." Our waiters would always present our food with a description that sounded exactly like "bleh bleh bleh, blehbleh, bleh, blehbleh...et voila." (Said of course with the perfect mix of pride and Gallic indifference. Sometimes even a little shrug) It was a very meta experience to be eating blehblehbleh in the town of Bleh.
4. A tip for you: if you share earbuds on an MP3 player while driving, everything is great and sing-able...until you get closer to your destination and start rustling about looking for the city maps. That, btw, is the perfect time to move suddenly and rip the earbud right out of J's head. It will come out with a very satisfying popping noise, kind of like in that lollipop lollipop song, you can feel the vibrations in your own earbud, and see the wee bud come sailing across the car. It is hilarious EVERY SINGLE TIME. I highly recommend it.


BTW, I must at this time give big ups to my pal J (AKA Edacious J), who has just bought her first home. Like a real grownup! I am impressed and incredibly envious. Nice work J!

Gosh, why is that young lady so mad?

So I just reread my last post--boy was I cranky! Eesh. But it was a very stressful day, and I was a few beers into it at the time... L, thanks for reminding me to take my photo off of the page where I'm ranting about my company! Such a dumb thing to do, criminy. But thankfully, friends don't let friends blog drunk.

So several beers and many cigarettes later, I have cooled down. I walked it off, and will just see what happens and keep all my options open. Probably nothing much will happen in the short term anyways. So I suppose today's title is not so appropriate anymore. (Well, for many reasons. J, I expect you to request quotation marks around "lady". Um. And I guess around "young" too. Dang it). But as a homage to how I felt last week, I'll leave you with this quote from the immortal Mike D:

“We have a lot of animosity. It's a very beautiful kind of animosity; it's very spiritual.”