Jessst one teensy work post. Then I'll stop.

It feels like 80 years since I’ve updated this blog, but too much is happening right now. I’ve applied to 4 new jobs, had 3 interviews, met my new manager M, successfully avoided talking to my old manager, traveled up to Sonoma for a client presentation, made what feels like one billion pieces of jewelry for both my mom’s birthday and my pal L’s birthday, drank to the brink of embarrassing myself at L’s party, redecorated my bedroom including painting and hanging some picture frames, and submitted photos of said bedroom to a interior design contest (the chutzpah!). And that’s all in the last week. I’m pooped.

I know I wasn’t going to write about work, but I do like my new manager. He has a sense of humor and actually seems receptive to people’s ideas. Poor bastard; we'll see how long it takes to wear the shine off of him. I wasn’t intending to tell him anything meaningful when we met today, but he seemed interested in my opinions. So now I’m testing him to see how much he’s willing to hear…

…which, btw, is stupid. On one hand I am seriously burnt out. Just between you and me: some days I can barely summon the will to come to work. (And really, no one cares. I can come in at 11, or noon, or probably fucking not at all ever, and no one cares. And yet, I still get more done than my colleagues in other offices, which is terrifying.) Despite that, here I am telling the new guy that I’m worried about the direction of the group that I am planning to leave. I’m not that altruistic, it’s just that even when I’m dog tired, I’m still a busybody! I’ve been waiting for months for somebody to give even the skinniest crap about my opinions. Give me an inch and I’ll pontificate for miles.

But this highlights the contrast between where I am and how I used to be, which makes me sad. My former manager once said that I needed to do a good job; it was the reason I got out of bed in the morning. At the time he said it, I was flattered but didn’t think it was true. But I think he saw something about my motivations that I hadn’t recognized in myself. Damn, I wish I still reported to him. And I wish I still felt that motivation. He was able to bring that out in everyone who worked with him.

In a related story, one of our high performers has started coming around my office to talk about how unhappy she is. We don’t usually talk, so I was a little surprised that she confided in me. I guess she also thinks tat we are basically in the same situation. Apparently I am not the only one who has been teary and feeling unappreciated. (And I am filled with rage and despair to admit this about myself, as I have always believed it is Totally Retarded to cry about work, and I know she feels the same way.) She might be next to go unless M can save her. But if she goes, hoo boy the office is fucked…