Is Glare Still Alive?

My gal J is feeling a little down on her blog -- but I like her blog, I think it's great! So I thought I'd take the opportunity to share one of my favorite emails from her. This was a while ago; I had been slammed at work and then there was my impending breakup with Mr. Glare and yadayadayada. I wasn't really returning any calls or emails from friends, and then I got this:

To: Glare; D; Mr. Glare
Subject: IS GLARE STILL ALIVE?

This is the question on everybody's lips. Does she no longer love us? Is she trying to think of a way to gracefully extricate herself from a friendship of over 20 years? Has she fallen down? Is she trapped under something heavy? Has she been abducted by aliens? Fallen into a coma? Joined a cult? Left the country to climb the fabled Macchu Picchu? Working in an underground lab to create the next hot party drug? Has she been mauled to death slowly by Milla? Is she currently bound to a chair being interrogated by anti-American forces? Indulging in the world's longest bikini wax (don't forget the pleating)? Is she afflicted with some obscure neuromuscular disease that prevents her from using her fingers for email or telephone usage? Is she trapped on a bus that can't go less than 50 miles per hour or it will explode? Has her give-a-sh!t factor dropped to an all-time low, and she cannot be prevailed upon to get out of bed? Inquiring minds want to know...J.