Oh, The Fun We Have Online

AKA Further adventures in CL. This one didn't go anywhere (not my type physically), but it's my favorite email exchange to date...


pop your toes...squeeze you elbow skin and whatnot


i am a classic under achiver who will never live up to full potential. i constantly berate and belittle. i hurl insults. i avoid eye contact. i look for photo opportunities in the background of strangers pictures. i misdirect all who inquire directions. i flick children. i answer questions with questions. i purposly mispronounce last names. i cut in line and fart. i sample but never buy. i rarely flush. elbows on table. i crack my knuckles. i never rewind. i drop my change. i pick my favorite toppings off your slice. i hit the cone. i never lol. i dodge salutations. i never down shift. i zerbert you. i flake. i make faces at babies. i honk at golfers. i spit off buildings. i move peoples book marks. watch you play solitare. i annoy and/or confuse. i call collect. im in the cross walk. i falsify documents. i snicker. i reveal the ending. i let all the air out. im watching you from the corner of my eye. i like that shirt. write back and we can snicker at one another.

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Hi,

You live a little far away--I'm in the city--but your CL posting made me laugh. So that was YOU cutting in line at the bank yesterday! (whatever you ate, you probably shouldn't do it again) How did the rest of the robbery go? I lost you of course once you ran off with the cash...

So I think we have a few things in common. I too have been known to flick children. And I move bookmarks too (especially those free ones you get at the bookstore; I hate those fucking things). More about me: I was raised by feral librarians. I collect dust bunnies. I have shoes made of fake fur. I can lift eight times my weight. I only drink flower nectar. I'm wondering if this looks infected to you.

I have attached a photo of Godzilla for your consideration.